I posted the lyrics of Forgiveness by Don Henley a couple years ago. I always intended to post a follow up of why I wished to share that. Here it is, raw and unpolished.
Divorce is a brutal thing.
Addictions are worse.
Forgiveness is the key to redemption.
Watching my friend, my lover, the mother of my children descend into the pit of alcohol's unyielding grip was painful. The helplessness and betrayal threatened to eat me alive. The times were uncertain. Everything I built my life around was being washed away in a torrent of beer, wine, anger, and resentment.
She was so much more than just a friend and lover. We had built a life. A trust. A future. I promised I would be there. Sickness. Health. Before God and government. Family. I Promised! I cannot turn my back, but I also cannot bear to watch. My offers of help were met with drunken eyes a closed heart and harsh words. She no longer lived in our world. She was trapped and spirits were her keys.
Then, suddenly, she was gone. Abandoned her children, our home, her life for "freedom".
My heart was shattered and my will was weak. my desire for revenge silenced thoughts of forgiveness. I did not bear the pain with grace. I was not me. I was trapped and rage were my keys.
My thoughts seem to scatter. The more I know the less I understand. The more I tried the less power I had. The more I hung on, the faster they drifted away.
I was alone. Abandoned by all I loved. All I worked for. Hopes and dreams adjusted for realities suddenly gone. Empty house. Exponential Doubts. Darkness everywhere.A pointless existence.
I have lost. I cannot win. I cannot start over. Too old, too threadbare, broken. My soul is old parchment; fragile and peeling. Reboot is not an option. Happiness seems impossible.
I have always been too stubborn to admit defeat. I will not let this define me, defeat me.
I want to be me again! I want to feel. Share things. Maybe laugh again. How is that possible with the cloud of indignity smothering me. I did not cause this. I do not deserve this. I tried. I did not choose this.
Then I saw what forgiveness can do. Redemption. Deliverance. Life Changing.
It is more than just a word, it is a life changing concept. Within forgiveness are the keys that will unlock the final door. Not only the keys to the cell, the keys to the prison. It needs to be worked at, remembered, perhaps worshiped a bit. Forgiveness is not easy. Bitterness has strength that can quickly drown the light of forgiveness. It has to be remembered, propped up, thought about, reinforced. A moment of inattention and the bitterness will hit like a hurricane from nowhere.
Choices. This is about choices. I can choose to be indignant, bitter, and unforgiving. After all, I was not wrong. I did not commit the crimes against the family. I did not lie, cheat, steal, abandon my children. I was/we are the victims. I have a right to be mad! I deserve to be angry! How can she just make a mess of everything and walk away leaving me to cleanup? Why should we suffer? Why should my children suffer? Why do I have to pay for this!? This is not fair!
Forgiveness is a choice.
Choices. Choosing to be mad only hurts myself. No-one else cares. Their blood pressure doesn't go up. No-one else stays awake all night and feels like crap the next day. No-one wants to talk to a bitter, tired, whiner who can't move on or let go. Forgiveness is freedom. Let the baggage drop. When the bitterness starts to leak in along the edges, just remember I never have to live with that again. Smile. Forgive, never forget. Learn from it. Deal with it. Bitterness, resentment, forgiveness, and redemption are all emotions emanating from the same source. Me! I have control of this! I got this.
The ultimate Freedom is never going back to that life.
Healing. When forgiveness is in place the negativity and anger have no more fuel. The fire burns itself out and I start to feel normal again. It will take a while, perhaps years to feel normal. Because of this experience normal is different. I have a much greater appreciation for nearly everything. Thankful for another chance. Ready to do all those things I thought were gone.
Forgiveness is just a word. The meaning behind the word is monumental. Life changing.
It may have saved my life.
Divorce is a brutal thing.
Addictions are worse.
Forgiveness is the key to redemption.
Watching my friend, my lover, the mother of my children descend into the pit of alcohol's unyielding grip was painful. The helplessness and betrayal threatened to eat me alive. The times were uncertain. Everything I built my life around was being washed away in a torrent of beer, wine, anger, and resentment.
She was so much more than just a friend and lover. We had built a life. A trust. A future. I promised I would be there. Sickness. Health. Before God and government. Family. I Promised! I cannot turn my back, but I also cannot bear to watch. My offers of help were met with drunken eyes a closed heart and harsh words. She no longer lived in our world. She was trapped and spirits were her keys.
Then, suddenly, she was gone. Abandoned her children, our home, her life for "freedom".
My heart was shattered and my will was weak. my desire for revenge silenced thoughts of forgiveness. I did not bear the pain with grace. I was not me. I was trapped and rage were my keys.
My thoughts seem to scatter. The more I know the less I understand. The more I tried the less power I had. The more I hung on, the faster they drifted away.
I was alone. Abandoned by all I loved. All I worked for. Hopes and dreams adjusted for realities suddenly gone. Empty house. Exponential Doubts. Darkness everywhere.A pointless existence.
I have lost. I cannot win. I cannot start over. Too old, too threadbare, broken. My soul is old parchment; fragile and peeling. Reboot is not an option. Happiness seems impossible.
I have always been too stubborn to admit defeat. I will not let this define me, defeat me.
I want to be me again! I want to feel. Share things. Maybe laugh again. How is that possible with the cloud of indignity smothering me. I did not cause this. I do not deserve this. I tried. I did not choose this.
Then I saw what forgiveness can do. Redemption. Deliverance. Life Changing.
It is more than just a word, it is a life changing concept. Within forgiveness are the keys that will unlock the final door. Not only the keys to the cell, the keys to the prison. It needs to be worked at, remembered, perhaps worshiped a bit. Forgiveness is not easy. Bitterness has strength that can quickly drown the light of forgiveness. It has to be remembered, propped up, thought about, reinforced. A moment of inattention and the bitterness will hit like a hurricane from nowhere.
Choices. This is about choices. I can choose to be indignant, bitter, and unforgiving. After all, I was not wrong. I did not commit the crimes against the family. I did not lie, cheat, steal, abandon my children. I was/we are the victims. I have a right to be mad! I deserve to be angry! How can she just make a mess of everything and walk away leaving me to cleanup? Why should we suffer? Why should my children suffer? Why do I have to pay for this!? This is not fair!
Forgiveness is a choice.
Choices. Choosing to be mad only hurts myself. No-one else cares. Their blood pressure doesn't go up. No-one else stays awake all night and feels like crap the next day. No-one wants to talk to a bitter, tired, whiner who can't move on or let go. Forgiveness is freedom. Let the baggage drop. When the bitterness starts to leak in along the edges, just remember I never have to live with that again. Smile. Forgive, never forget. Learn from it. Deal with it. Bitterness, resentment, forgiveness, and redemption are all emotions emanating from the same source. Me! I have control of this! I got this.
The ultimate Freedom is never going back to that life.
Healing. When forgiveness is in place the negativity and anger have no more fuel. The fire burns itself out and I start to feel normal again. It will take a while, perhaps years to feel normal. Because of this experience normal is different. I have a much greater appreciation for nearly everything. Thankful for another chance. Ready to do all those things I thought were gone.
Forgiveness is just a word. The meaning behind the word is monumental. Life changing.
It may have saved my life.
